News Clip: Online Discussion of Tyler Clementi's Death A Challenge to Keep Civil—Or Even Running

By Louis C. Hochman, Patch, 10/1/2010

Theresa M. Collins didn't expect to become responsible for managing what might be the Internet's largest discussion on the death of Ridgewood teen Tyler Clementi. And she certainly wasn't expecting the ugliness that would surface in the discussion again and again.

But that's what happened when she and a few other people took on responsibility for administering the "In Honor of Tyler Clementi" Facebook page, which gathered about 55,000 followers in less than day and a half. The page was created at about 3 p.m. Wednesday—the day the public learned Rutgers freshman Clementi killed himself after other students allegedly webcast a video of him having sexual relations with another man.

At this stage, the page is one of many forums devoted to Clementi—several of them on Facebook. And overnight, the page Collins helps run seemed disabled; when it came back, it was missing its earlier fans and comments. But as the world witnessed the first 30 hours or so in saga of Clementi's death—from the announcement of his identity to the recovery of his body—it came to Collins' page to speak.

"I certainly didn't expect it to become 'the one,'" Collins said. "A few things happened that are worth looking into— when legit media picked up on the web site, it exploded."

Collins, an associate research professor at Rutgers (though she didn't create the page on the school's behalf), didn't know Clementi personally. But she did feel some connection to his loss. She'd lost a family member to pediatric cancer, and that family member's birthday was coming up.

"The loss of a child under any circumstance is devastating. As the crisis of gay teenage suicide mounted in recent weeks, I suppose, my heart and mind began to link the two categories of loss together," she wrote in an e-mail to Patch.

Collins had been involved with online message boards and forums about pediatric cancer—so she had some idea of what an Internet conversation on loss might look like. But she wasn't prepared for the sheer volume of response that hit the Clementi page—most of it positive, but some of it childish or even hateful.

"I would still say, 99 percent were heartfelt, and decent," Collins said.

But the 1 percent was troubling. Some posters poked fun at Clementi. Some said the world's better off when homosexuals kill themselves. Some distributed mock images of Clementi manipulated in obscene ways.

"I peaked in, and found people screaming, 'Shut down the wall [because of negative or hurtful comments],' I was just blown away," Collins said. "I started restricting certain things. Users couldn't put pictures up. There were some really disgusting things being posted."

In fact, Collins and her co-administrators disabled the page entirely for some time on its first night, trying to decide what to do.

"We wanted to figure out is there some way to continue the good of this without abandoning it," she said.

They brought it back with a warning to participants. It currently reads:

"In Honor of Tyler Clementi all comments that seek to harass his tormentors, his family, or his memory will be removed from this page; all hate speech or comments that fail to respect the grieving communities will be removed from this page. This page will only be published and open for comments on a random basis, as a way to limit the hate-speech, and cruel, vulgar abuse that has swarmed it."

Collins said that by opening the page to comments for limited periods of time, she and the other administrators can at least get a handle on the discussion. During open-posting periods, participants have left several messages a minute—which was simply too much to moderate during lengthy periods when posters had free reign.

"It was becoming an anxiety zone, which was the last thing I wanted to do," Collins said.

The issue isn't isolated to the page Collins helps maintain. A search on YouTube for "Tyler Clementi" turns up tributes, news reports—and videos claiming to be the sex tape, some of them advertising pornography sites in their descriptions.

Collins said it's a sign that people are still getting used to modern technology—and that social norms haven't completely caught up.

"I think in this generational transition, not just age but technology," she said. "No one's really prepared to deal with all of this."

The public's well-informed about the dangers of Internet predators, she said, but "this is a different kind of attack."

Collins and her co-administrators had to face another concern this week. When the Facebook page first disappeared, that was their doing. But it disappeared again Thursday night—and none of the page administrators were initially able to get an answer from Facebook as to why. The followers were disassociated from the page, and existing comments appeared lost.

The early comments finally appeared again mid-day Friday. Collins is hoping now that they're back, she can eventually hand off the page to a representative of the Clementi family. She said she has no plans to reach out to the family directly, but might try to contact its attorney.

"I can't imagine what this family is going through, this kind of attention," Collins said. "I think they deserve their right to privacy. I would never impose upon them."

But she said a complete archive of the thousands upon thousands of well-wishes, of sympathetic statements, of calls to action might provide some solace. 

Among the more recent posts:

• Brandon Cherry: It's time we all step up and speak out against bullying. This has gone way too far in recent weeks, and now 4 lives have been lost to this senseless act. RIP Tyler. Your death will not be in vain, and it will certainly not go unnoticed. You are the spark of a new wave of people stepping forth to fight against the torment you suffered through. We cannot let another individual suffer the consequences of bullying any longer.
• Amanda Hager: ‎"Just as despair can come to one only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings."- Elie Wiesel. You never deserved what was done to you, Tyler, and you left us far too soon. I only wish someone, anyone, could have been there for you, to remind you that time heals all wounds. RIP. </3 My deepest sympathies go out to Tyler's family and friends.
• Ellen Russell: I hope your legacy is for one kid to think before he or she does something like this to another kid...god speed, Tyler!
• Luis Navarrete: my deepest sympathies to this young man's family.. may god bless you in this hard times.. and im sure tyler is playing heavenly melodies on his violin for god and all the angel's in heaven...

Collins reflected on her own family's experiences with pediatric cancer, and with finding support online.

"Maybe this is naive, or one tragedy doesn't necessarily transfer to another category. But they're a terrfic comfort," Collins said. "The kind words are a terrific comfort."